I should be doing homework right now

Currently crying because I want to nap but the above mentioned still stands strong.

Time to vent for a minute or two.

I am hardly having what I would call a “summer”. When I think summer, I think bikinis on the beach with a big sun hat. I think a group of really good looking friends on a road trip to nowhere. I think reading Brontë on a dock by the lake. But Pinterest and hipster blogs have lied to me.

No sun hats, no road trips, and certainly no Brontë.

(Which is ridiculous because “reading for fun” is literally summer’s middle name.)

Nope. My summer has consisted of working full time, taking two full summer school courses, reading a historical novel and a handful of plays for next year, brainstorming performance ideas, finding monologues and prepping for fall auditions, and taking weekly voice lessons and fitness classes like are you kidding me.

So this summer has been far from relaxing. It’s been constantly going from one thing to another and stressing hard over the million things I feel like I have to do. I feel very overwhelmed all the time and I feel guilty when I’m not doing anything because I could be doing homework or hunting for plays. Which sounds dumb when I say it like that.

It’s just frustrating because I just came out of a really crazy and stressful year, and I’m about to begin what will probably be the busiest and most challenging year of my life. So this is my only time to relax, to binge some Netflix, and to just breathe. And I’m not doing those things.

(That’s a lie; I’ve watched probably more TV than I should. But my dad upped our internet plan, sue me.)

Don’t think I’m complaining. I’m not complaining. Okay I’m complaining a little. But I don’t have the right to. I am so flipping lucky to have a full time job, and I’m currently working at a day camp that I love to pieces. I will thank myself in the fall for taking these summer courses because they’ll lighten my crazy course load and make my life a thousand times easier. I’m incredibly fortunate to be in the program that I’m in, so in reality auditions and all this reading is great, as stressful and difficult as it is. And my booty will thank me for those fitness classes.

So in reality it isn’t all that bad. I’m enjoying all of the things I’m doing, I’m just not loving the time commitment. I just really want to marathon Zac Efron movies. Is that too much to ask? Although, I’m about to spend this entire weekend in Toronto with some pretty amazing friends, and even though I’ll probably spend a good chunk of time thinking of all the productive things I could be doing, I’ll really appreciate the break from life.

Okay now seriously I wasn’t kidding when I said I have a lot of homework I should be doing instead of writing this post so BYEEEE.



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