I am so happy to be home.
Like, so happy.
I just got home yesterday, and I already am loathing the idea of leaving on Sunday. I have not been home since the winter break, and I know I shouldn’t be complaining because I am experiencing a luxury that a lot of other people can’t, but I still really missed it.
I had a really odd moment a couple of weeks ago during one of my lectures where I stopped everything and thought, “I do not live at home with my parents.” Yeah, no duh, Marryl, you haven’t lived at home with my parents for the majority of the last year and a half now. And yet that was still a very alarming thought. Even now I always have moments where I remember I’m in university. While living on my own and being at university feels so right to me at this point in my life, thinking about it still freaks me out sometimes.
I think I am most happy to be at home because being at home and far away from campus reminds me that school is not everything.
*GASP* WHAT DO YOU MEAN SCHOOL ISN’T EVERYTHING!?!?
Shocking, I know. Breeeeathe.
School is great. School is fun. School is educational. School is necessary in this job market. School is a privilege that I should thank my lucky stars for. But while school is a very important part of my life, school is not my entire life, and I think I need to remind myself of that a lot more.
More often than not, I feel as if I am not allowed to take a break, whether it be to watch tv, read for fun, paint, spend time with friends, or just take a nap. Every time I do those things I feel guilty and think, “I could be doing something more productive.” My life sometimes feels like a never-ending cycle of class-class-class-class-homework-homework-homework-sleep-repeat. Super fun, I know. Living in another city just for school, and especially living on campus, has turned school into my whole existence. Instead of existing and then sometimes going to school, I go to school and then sometimes exist. So many of the things I do are tied to my education, and getting off campus is a luxury only to be experienced in small doses.
I realize I signed up for this when I picked a program with a billion and a half hours of class and homework every week, but I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. School has so much importance in our lives because a) we pay a stupid amount of money to be here and b) the rest of the world tells us we need to be successful in university to be successful in life. So we work day in and day out trying to get everything done and feel guilty for taking a break. Because doing anything but school is a waste of money and a waste of our lives.
But that’s just dumb.
My life involves plenty of things unrelated to my education. My life is painting and books and food and my friends and movies and makeup and clothing and youtube videos and nature walks and art galleries and Downton Abbey and John Green books and seeing plays and naps and my family. Yes, I love school, and I completely understand the importance of me being there, but I need to remember that my life is about a lot more than school. I am allowed to take a break to catch up on Suits or call my family or do nothing at all. That essay will get done. That reading will get… almost done and sparknoted later. My GPA will not plummet to the earth and I will not be wasting all of my dollars if I, god forbid, take a nap.
So my advice to you is do as I say and not as I do. But hopefully one day I will do as I say and not as I do. So then in that case you should do as I do and also as I say.
(Although maybe if I were enrolled in Making Sense 101 I should finish my work for that before I take a break…)
Breathe. Relax. Take a surprise nap. Finish your reading tomorrow. Go out with friends. Watch that 15 minute youtube video of cats jumping and not reaching the counter. Go to class, do your homework, read your textbook and pay your tuition fees, but don’t let that scary dollar amount force you into a life of school-absorbed misery. Because if school takes over your life you will grow to resent it, which is silly because school is cool. And that rhymes, so it must be true.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a novel and three plays to read by next week. In other words, I’m about to go watch a movie and eat snacks with my best friend.